I see you like wheat thins...I must have you now!

I hate grocery shopping for the obvious reasons: it's boring, I have to haul heavy crap to my car and into my apartment, it's just spending money I'm going to eat...etc.
But now I have a whole new reason to hate grocery shopping. Especially grocery shopping alone. This is because it would seem old, gross, greasy, lonely men seem to think the local Giant Food Store is a good place to pick up chicks. Case in point: I went grocery shopping today and was looking for Wheatables to go with my Hummus. Of course, they didn't have Wheatables so I had to take extra long deciding wheather I wanted to go with the Wheat Thins or the Triscuits instead. So this gave the creepy greasy guy with a mustache, who was also in the same section, ample time to get way to comfortable. As I passed him and gave a polite "excuse me" he looked me up and down and said "hey cutie".
YUCK! When did "excuse me" become a pick up line?!
So I grabbed the closest box of crackers, tightened my grip on my keys just in case I had to stab him in the face, and got the hell out of there. I'm very uncomfortable when I get the slightest bit of attention-especially that kind of attention. I feel that if this guy is saying "hey cutie" to *me*...well there has to be something seriously wrong with him.
Needless to say I'll now be trying to live off the remnints of my fridge and cupboard to avoid going again. I guess it's going to be flour and carrot sticks for dinner tonight.

Maybe Dan was Right...

Maybe cats are bastards...all of them.
I discovered the worst way to awake in the morning-my cat tearing across the room and using my head as a launch pad or perhpas she was merely dabbling in lobotamy surgery. Either way I now have a two inch (yes, I checked)slash on the side of my head that is matted with blood. I never knew such a little gash could produce so much blood from my noggin but it did. Now I'm scared to wash my hair-I bet it's going to sting like a bitch. Plus my cat is still freaking me out. She's got the taste of my blood...and she liked it...

Gross II

yuck 

Last week, while passing by the living room window as I continued to unpack boxes I caught some guy peeing on our street! I couldn't beleive it. It was still light out and we live on a very residential street. He was surrounded by our small apartment complex and a row of houses but he still merely stepped behind his truck and let loose. What I also couldn't beleive in the brief time I watched (really all this happened within seconds before my gag reflex kicked in and I had to leave the room and try to think of something else-I didn't stand there watching the guy)was the amount of force that the urine left this man's body. It was like one of those fountains-I guess in that case art is imitating life.
I guess he really had to go and it was raining so he probebly thought it would wash away but I still can't get over the fact that he didn't care if someone saw him doing this. So gross!!!

Not a Playboy Bunny...Bugs Bunny

Good Ole' Bugs 

I recently came to a startling revelation about myself...it would seem that everything I use while trying to be cutsie and/or seductive I learned watching Bugs Bunny cartoons.
I came to the realization the other night when, again, in an attempt to be alluring I walked to the bathroom swaying my butt ala the Bugs Bunny episode where he dresses up as the old lady and ends up marrying Yosemiti Sam and as he's walking down the aisle the bottom part of his dress rips off uncovereing not only his identity as a boy rabbit but also his cute little tail swaying to and fro. I do that!!
Of course, this led me rethink other things I do and I did find another Bugs Bunny resemblence. Anytime I do anything mischevious I run around the apartment ala the same Bugs Bunny episode where Yosimiti Sam chases the old lady and she holds up dress and prances around in feigned protest. I do that!!
What the hell is wrong with me?!

I guess I'm right where I should be

American Cities That Best Fit You:

75% Chicago

70% Philadelphia

65% Washington, DC

55% Atlanta

55% New York City

Which American Cities Best Fit You?

First I'll (re)conquer Washington, DC. Then it will be Chicago's turn.

Okay, you can uncross your fingers now

I have the internet again!!!
I didn't realize just how addicted to blogging I had become until I couldn't do it every moment of the day so I am so happy to have my internet back. I could've hugged the cable guy...except he was a little cranky so I gave him his money told him to get the hell out.
I'm enjoying my cable tv as well.
I'm kind of a newbie to cable-in my entire life I've only had it about 4 years during college. I lived in the sticks as a kid, so much that they didn't even provide cable service to our area and we were too money conscious to have it the past couple years. But those 4 years in college where great-and extremely unproductive. Which is why I'm a little nervous to have cable now. I did nothing today...really. I just caught up on old favorite shows I haven't seen in ages. I watched two episodes of Little House on the Prarie (my favorite as a kid. It came on everyday at 4pm after getting off the school bus.), M*A*S*H, an E special on Star Wars, and the food network. Now I'm looking for old episodes of the X-files. I know they're around here somewhere...

Keep Your Fingers Crossed

The cable guy is comming today to fix the cable line to our apartment building. Keep your fingers crossed that this will be the final step before getting our internet up and running again.
I really hate using the library computers-not only for the insanely small time alotment but also because they're slow and weird people keep sitting next to me. The first day is was a guy who jumped up in the middle of the room to ask if anyone else used hotmail. Yesterday it was a guy in a Hawaiian shirt that kept scratching his crotch and peeking at my computer. Today, well, he's not so bad but he's still doing the peeking thing and he keeps sighing heavily.

Gross

The cat litter box, which usually has a top on it, is now topless since I had to throw the lid away during the move-it wouldn't fit in the car. So this has made for some new apartment dangers. For example, Zak accidently dropped the tube of toothpaste in it the other night. I went in and found it just lying there like the cat and accidently ate it and then passed it. Needless to say it is now in the garbage and we are using the travel tube I brought with me. But this makes my mind wonder, what other things may have already been dropped there and merely replaced if I wasn't the one to find it first and how many more things will there be. It's enought to make a person go a little crazy.

It's a Tough Job but Someone Has to do it.

Marry the Star Wars fanatics, that is.
So obviously, as is our tradition, we went to the midnight showing of Episode III last night. Zak's lucky it was better than the last two which totally sucked so I felt all the time wasted in theatre lines and seats up to this point were finally justified. He's also lucky that I actually take an active interest in the inane Star Wars trivia he likes to throw me every so often. Yes dear, I know what the AT/AT stands for in the AT/AT." "Yes dear, I know what the TI stands for in a TI-fighter." I know he's trying to make me into a Star Wars geek too but I'm holding out. I hold out by saythings like "Doesn't Senetor Joe Leiberman look like Senetor Palpatine? It's good thing he didn't win the presidential election since we all know how that would have turned out." And "Who is this?" "Now, is he good or bad?" and my favorite-"don't you think these movies are just a wee bit racist?" I love to ruin it a little bit for him just to keep him a little bit stable. Plus he always ruins my Harry Potter movies, of which, *I* am the fanatic so it's even.

We made it...DC, here we are

Well I'm in DC...we techinically the DC metro area.
My first thing to say is that I still won't be up to full blogging capabilities for about a week since the cable guy found that the line for out building had been mistakenly cut (we're planning on having a cable modem) and he'd need to send someone out to fix it and then we'd have to schedule another set up time with him. Rat bastards. So I'm without real phone, cable tv, and the worst-the internet. Luckily the local library is right down the street. Unluckily they have an hour a day limit on the use of their computers. Rat Bastards! So much for my plan to spend my whole day blogging at the library.

The trip out was better than expected. The cat only cried for the first four 1/2 hours and then napped the rest of the way. No foaming at the mouth and minimal fur-flying fits of rage trying to get out of her carrier.
The trip was long and near the end I thought my back was broken but I made it.
Now I've just been spending my days unpacking which really sucks...
I really hate moving.
Lord, this post wasn't funny at all! I can't wait to have my own computer up and running. It's hard to be funny when I have to be so quiet.

See ya in a few...DC, here we come

I'm going to be missing from the blog world for a couple days while I finish the last leg of the move. I'm packing everything up tomorrow, meeting friends for lunch, and then hitting the road early Thrusday morning.
I'm getting pretty nervous as I pile the rest of my belongings in the corner-I'm not sure if everything is going to fit. Yikes. That could be a problem.
But at least I have the cat drugs *and* I printed off directions and found that I'm actually only 8 hours from my destination. Yay. (you're sarcasm meter should be going off the charts right now)
Well, keep your fingers crossed that those 8 hours go well and I'll blog all about it in a couple days. I'm sure there will be some sort of mishap. I'll be sure to take a notebook with me so I don't forget anything.

By this weekend my profile will read "DC".

My new Literary Hero...

is David Sedaris. I don't know why it took me so long to read one of his books-but it did. Especially since it got the thumbs up from my brother, my sister, and PlanetDan... Their recomendations alone didn't matter but I guess it was a combination of the three that finally put me over the edge. (This is probebly because I rarely listen to my sister about books anymore since she also recomended White Oleander by Janet Fitch and Virgin Blue by Tracey Chavalier. I read both and was depressed for about a month and could only bring myself to read Harry Potter and issues of MAD. And I rarely take advice from strangers no matter how funny they are or how good they look as an Oompa Loomp. It's just a little rule of mine.)
But I digress...
Dress Your Family in Courduroy and Denim is one of the best books I've ever read. Sederis can take the simplest everyday thought or happening and turn it into comic genius that is both entertaining and thought provoking. It's the kind of book that makes me want to write my own memoirs but they would, sadly, pale in comparison.
I literally snorted with laughter at the paragraph on blind hunters in Michigan. Truth be told, I snorted with laughter quite a few times.
Now I have to go out a buy every other book he's ever written.

Snowball from Hell

Gross

This is me and my sister, Amy in the Chinatown in London. Note the look of excitement on our faces as we were about to taste the pastries we just purchased from a cute little Chinese bakery. Note the look of sheer anticipation on my face as I wait to take a bite from the "Snowball" I'd chosen. "How fun!", I thought. "What an experience it will be to taste the British Chinese take on the coconut covered Hotess treat."
Little did I know that it would end up being some wierd gooey slime covered orb that made me gag and want to hurl the freak of culinary nature at the store front window.
I should have known it was going to be trouble. Instead of coconut covered it was covered in nuts. I hate nuts in my sweets.*

*That last sentance was for you BigDubb. It sounded bad as I wrote it. I was going to change it...but nah.

Me and My Sister

Amy and Me

I had to crop this photo to down play my large thighs next to my sister, the stick figure. Luckily she's always been the pretty thin one and I've always been...well...the opposite so I'm used to it and I don't hold it against her. She's the one who runs crazy marthons and thinks I'm going to do one with her someday. Hahahahaha...how naive. She's lucky I love her or I'd be the first to put ex-lax in her sports drink.

Debbie Downers

Whaaa Whaaaaaa

Here are me, my sister-in-law, and my sister doing our impressions of Debbie Downer. Well, atleast Kara and Amy are just acting. I'm pretty sure that was my real face for the moment. I get cranky easily and at the time we were waiting in a crowded hallway trying to make our way down the Eiffel Tower. Plus I was hungry and my feet hurt.
My feet hurt all the time. It's become a family joke. I don't know how it happened but I could be walking from the couch to the kitchen and my slippers could give my blisters. Either I have extremely delicate feet or I'm a dumb butt...or I supose both is possible. I'm forever doomed to go without cute shoes and sandals. I'll be 35 and already wearing those chunky orthapedic shoes. It's okay. I've already come to terms with it.

Bunch o' Freaks

I love these things

Why am I such a big dork and totally dig those lame cardboard cut outs placed at any type of touristy area? I don't know. I just do. And I always force everyone to play along. I'm surprised I don't get beat up more often. Really.
It's getting pretty bad that atleast 1/3 of vacation phots include these kinds of pictures. I have a problem.

I Dub Thee "Zak the Good Sport"

Poor Zak

This is my new favorite picture of Zak (which has replaced the one of him behind the cutout of a whale). I know there will be serious repercutions for posting this picture of my husband but, well, for some reason I'm willing to risk it.

Photo Montage

The Metro Tango

Since I've been sorting through and cleaning up the remaining junk from the move I've come across pictures that I've been meaning to scan and blog about. So here they are.
Be warned-there's quite a few.

I've always wanted to take dance lessons and learn to tango just like this. Well, maybe not quite just like this...since they're dancing in the bowels of the Paris metro in mid-summer scortching heat and doing it for money. But you know what I mean.