Crappiest Job in the World

As I was driving home from work on a snowy Sunday lamenting my own crappy job at the museum I saw something that made me realize maybe I didn't have it so bad.
The flowershop near my apartment always has some poor soul dressed in a costume standing outside their store. As I drove past the person dressed in a panda suit covered in snow doing a half-assed jig I realized I really needed to keep things in perspective. At least I don't have to do that, right?! It did cheer me up though-I laughed out loud when I saw it. Is that mean of me? Finding humor in the misfourtune of others?
Either way, it was friggin' hilarious.
Zak thinks the person (were not sure if it's a boy or girl) may actually enjoy the job since when he last saw them they were dressed as a bird and doing small airplane circles on the sidewalk.
It's things like this that really make me wish I had a camera-phone so I could post a picture.

I'll Begin Class Today as Soon as My Heart Decends From my Throat...

My car ride to teach my Saturday morning class is usually very uneventful but this weekend was different.
The morning I left it was absolutly freezing so when I tried to put my bag and class materials into the back seat and the door wouldn't open I wasn't that suprised. I just dumped everything into the seat next to me and left.
However, as I was driving and the car warmed up the stupid back door finally opened-at 70 mph on the freeway! I had to reach back and pull it back so it only closed a little bit but the door ajar alarm in my car beeped the remaining 15 minutes till I reached the college. So that sucked.
Also, while still on the freeway I suddenly see a car spinning in circles about a 1/4 mile in front of me. It wasn't snowing or raining or anything so it didn't quite dawn on me that I should slow down until I found myself driving over the same sheet of ice that had materialized due to a water main break that was now flooding the road. Luckily I was able to stop in time and not hit the spinning car but it still scared the crap out of me.
Two heartstopping moments in one day is way too much for me. I was a little jittery all through the first hour of class. My students probebly thought I had too much coffee.

Honk If You're Sleepy!

I've been having really strange dreams lately. It probebly has to do with the fact that I'm feeling extra stressed due to job stuff and eating too late when I get home.
Well, the other night (actually early morning) I woke up to find Zak shaking me and asking if I was okay. I, of course, didn't understand the concern and said, "ummm...yeah, I was sleeping...".
He told me the reason he woke me up is because I was honking in my sleep-really loudly. I find this hilarious since I've never talked in my sleep before let alone honk. I wish I could remember what I was dreaming about. Maybe I was in a car race?

Either way, this kind of stuff creeps me out. I hate it that I might be doing stuff while I sleep. I especially hate when I witness other people doing it. My sister used to do stuff like that all the time as kids. I woke up one morning to find her petting the wall sleepily saying "Nice Horsey, Nice Horsey". I got out of there so fast it wasn't even funny. Zak does similar things too. He'll be falling asleep while I talk to him and say weird answer to my questions. For example: "Zak, do you want to go see a movie tomorrow?" "Sure, we can take the goat and eat spaghetti..."zzzzzzzzzz.....
Sleepiness is weird.

I Think My Sister is Trying to Kill Me

I think this because she recently sent me this link for a marathon on Mt. Everest in an e-mail with the subject line, "We should do this!".
She can't be serious. Was the exclamation point really necessary? She made me choke on the brownie I was scarfing at the time.
I already tentatively agreed to run a rock-n-roll marathon with her in California (luckily this plan has been put on hiatus while we save up money and has been pushed to 2006) but this is too far.
The only way I'd be able to do this is if Sherpas were going to carry me about 25 miles of the way. And if they had mass quantities of skittles. Oh, and hot cocoa.
Yeah, that's exactly how I'd like to spend a month-sliding fanny first into a crevasse.

It's Only Been Two Years? Really...Are You Sure?

This post is dedicated to HotBabe, who was so fed up with smarmy posts about husbands and Valentine's Day that she created a hilarious post about her fake husband.

Not to worry, there's also the downside to a married existence.
I think Zak and I are ready for a trip to Dr. Phil's Marrital Boot Camp.

Top Five Ways to Know if the Magic is Gone from Your Marriage and You've Both Stopped Trying:

5. You given up trying to impress him/her with your cooking and now consider curly fries a delectable vegatarian side dish.
4. Now your idea of a romantic night in consists of turning off all the lights and snuggling up to watch Alien vs. Predator.
3. After the movie you get into a heated debate about the socio-political ramifications of Alien vs. Predator and it ruins the rest of the night.*
*It didn't quite happen this way for us...we actually saw this movie at the theater...
2. Not only do you not get up in the morning to talk to your spouse before they go to work but you also get a little cranky when they come in and wake you up to give you a kiss before they leave.
1. On special occasions (such as Valentine's Day) when lovin' is mandatory you say something to the effect of, "There's nothing on tv right now. If we get started now we can be done before Medium comes on."

How's that workin' for us, Dr. Phil? Well, actually...pretty darn good.

It's an Addiction

I get addicted to mindless computer games easily.
I just went through a solitaire detox because I was trying to use solitaire to get me off the Yatzee.
Now I'm totally addicted to this game on Yahoo. I tried to use it to get me off solitaire.
It's really bad. And I'm pretty bad at it so I'm constentley trying to improve my score.
I play it when I'm supposed to be doing work-any kind of work.
I have a problem.

Happy Friggin' Valentine's Day

us

Zak and I don't pay much attention to Valentine's Day but in honor of it anyway here is my favorite picture of us. (It's my favorite even though my face looks huge. Why does it look so big? It's not that big. Did I get bitten by a hornet that day?)
We've decided that we're going out to dinner tonight and then to a movie on Friday when Constantine opens.
Can't get much more romanitc than a movie about hell and the devil.

I dub myself "Lalaith"...it means "Laughter"

Well, I finally finished reading The Silmarillion.
It ended up being better than I had initially thought but it was still tough.
I feel like I should get some sort of prize-especially from the Tolkien estate. They should send me a cookie or something.

Music Questionaire

1. Total amount of music files on my computer: Ummm...I don't know. I know I have quite a few but I don't know how many KB or MB whatever. I'm computer literate enough to know how to play them. What more do you want from me.

2. The last CD I bought was: The Black Eyed Peas. I don't buy very many...thank you Kazaa.

3. The last song I listened to before reading this message: Take Me Out by Franz Ferdinand

4. songs I often listen to or that mean a lot to me: Just What I Needed (The Cars), Silver Springs (Fleetwood Mac), Sunday Morning (No Doubt), D'yer Maker (Led Zeppelin), With or Without You (U2). There's lot more but for my reader's sake I'll stop now....

5.My Current Five Favorite Bands: This question confuses me. Is it (a) my top 5 bands I currently like? Or (b) the top 5 current bands I like? I'll do both...
(a) The Beatles, ABBA, No Doubt, Black Eyed Peas, and Led Zeppelin
(b) Black Eyes Peas, Outkast, Jet, The White Stripes, Audioslave

6.favorite music for Shaking My Ass: Black Eyed Peas, Destiney's Child, Any 80s pop, No Doubt, Outkast, etc.

7. CDs I Think Everyone Should Own: The White Album (The Beatles), Gold/Greatest Hits (ABBA), Zoso (Led Zeppelin), Never Mind the Bollocks (Sex Pistols), and Greatest Hits Albums by Queen, Fleetwood Mac, No Doubt, and The Ramones.

8. Who am I going to pass this stick to? See Below....

Movie Questionaire

1. The last movie you went to see in a theater: I'm pretty sure it was A Series of Unfortunate Events. It was cute and Jim Carrey was great but the books are better.

2. The last movie you watched at home: The Return of the Jedi. I got the trilogy pack for Zak for x-mas.

3. What was the last movie you bought: Star Wars Trilogy

4. Got Netflix (or a similar service): Not really. We're part of an MVP program at Hollywood Video but we're think of dropping that and joining Netflix instead.

5. List five movies you adore/mean a lot to you: Just five?! X-FIles: Fight the Future, The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, The Harry Potter movies, Monty Python's the Holy Grain, Return to Me. I cheated a bit...so sue me.

6. Name your guilty pleasure movie (or genre): Any kind of Romantic Comedy crap such as Return to Me, You've got Mail, Bridget Jones' Diary, Pretty Woman, The Wedding Singer, Sleepless in Seatle, etc. I'm so ashamed that I totally buy into this romantic drivel that makes women think they need to find the man of their dreams to be happy. Damn Hollywood.

7. Name 3 people to whom you're going to pass these questions on, and why: Hotbabe, Kiddo, and Katie. Because they are the only other blogger people I know that haven't already done it. Even though they've already been tagged by others.

15 Things You've Always Wanted to Know About Zak But Never Thought to Ask Since He Doesn't Blog and You Don't Really Know Him

Again, totally stealing this from Stacey and Christine.
I'm going to try not to make this about me again but...ya know...me, me, me.

1. He is obsessed with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
2. He thinks the girl from the Sprint commercial where the they are playing a game of parents vs. kids football deserves an oscar for delivering the line "Totally" with such feeling.
3. He has never sung the right lyrics to any song.
4. He has been in a riot but has never been arrested. (I was there too...me, me, me)
5. He has a problem with buttons and sometimes cuffs his pants like Huck Finn.
6. He is color blind.
7. It shows.
8. He is two days younger than me (me, me, me)
9. He hates talking on the phone.
10. He makes really bad first impressions.
11. He can distinguish a Simpson's episode from what Bart is writing on the blackboard.
12. He likes to cook and is good at it.
13. His favorite color is orange. (weird)
14. His favorite movie is Star Wars and clings to the delusion that Episode I and II were actually good.
15. He's a good sport.

There, I think that's enough posts about Zak. Jeez, you'd think this was his blog or something.

Yeah. Thanks.

Never let your husband buy your underwear. I made that mistake once and ended up with the most uncomfortable thongs that were way too small. Do guys not realize that there is a difference between what porn stars wear to work and what other women do? I think he was thinking with something else when he did that.

Well, I made the mistake again. So shame on me. This week I ran out of undies and (against my better judgement) had to rely on Zak to buy some for me. This time I got these gross "boy-style" brief type underwear complete with fake crotch flap that are on real boy underwear. They hang too far on the thigh and do not cover my butt.

I probebly looked like I had worms or some other type of butt ailment at work since I was constantly grabbing at them.
Yeah. Thanks. Never again.

Bad Soy...Very Bad...

Tried soy on the recomendation from Stacey...
Had sex dream...
It involved Kevin Spacey and a sleeping bag...
Have discontinued the use of any soy products...

What is wrong with my subconscious!?

You Must Have Me Confused With My Friend Pyro, I'm Gyro

fuzzy logo

Did anyone else besides me, not only watch American Gladiators, but like it?
I never had cable as a kid so I was forever forced to watch crap tv shows like this. But now I'm kind of nostalgic for a good old showing of American Gladiators. They should totally have a come back. Imagine the freaks that would come on that show now.
I wonder why I liked it so much. Was it just better than everything else that was on at 3 p m on a Saturday afternoon or did I have some weird aggression for a 12 year old that made this show enjoyable?
I especially enjoyed the foam sticks that they tried to beat the crap out of each other with in order to make someone fall about 10 feet from a wobbly platform. I always wanted to do that.
Thinking about it makes me chuckle especially hard now since Zak recently revealed that he wasn't allowed to watch American Gladiators and had to sneak watch it in his room (just like he had to do with Basic Instinct-what a perv.) He says it was because there was too much violence but I bet it was really because of the scantaly clad "athletes". There was always a bunch of too-buff-chick cleavage during that show.

Why I Should Never Procreate

My brother and sister-in-law just had a new baby. Well...my sister-in-law did the majority of the work.
Zak and I went to visit and I was my usual uncomfortable self. Babies are just too small. Why do their heads wobble as if they're bobble heads?
And Zak and I are total idiots when it comes to anything baby. Luckily my sister-in-law let us hold her new son while protected by a pillow. But the baby still fussed and we had no idea what to do so we gave up our holding privileges as quickly as possible.
Whomever said women are born with a natural nurtuing gene is totally wrong.
I was dumbfounded when my brother talked about giving my older nephew tylenol for a fever. You could actually here the wheels turning in my and Zak's head. Of course we though about how we give pills to our cat and that medicating a baby must be similar. You just pop the pill in, hold their mouth and nose and just massage their throat, right?
Duh. LIQUID tylenol!
Just another reason I should never have kids.

Epitome of Laziness

So the Chez Lynne household has hit a new low.
Between Zak working full time and me working at the museum and teaching two classes we've hit rock bottom in the cleaning department.
I think the lowest point is the fact that not only have we given up putting a new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser we've now just put the entire package of toilet paper out and grab a new roll when needed.
The floors haven't been swept and the laundry is trickling into the hall.
I've never seriously thought about the idea of a cleaning lady but throwing everything into a garbage corner and having someone else pick it up is sounding really nice right now.

If I Was a Rich Girl...

Na na na nana ana na.
Man I love that new Gwen Staphani song! I was in a pissy mood on my drive to my class tonight but it instantly made my evening.
Here's a list of songs that put me in a good mood no matter what. They're also songs that I'll sing at the top of my lungs no matter how bad it sounds. So beware!

In no particular order:

1. If I Was a Rich Girl by Gwen Staphani (It's good-No doubt.)
2. Come On Eileen by Dexy's Midnight Runners (I don't know why...it's just great)
3. Rebel Yell by BillyIdol (More, More, More)
4. You Shook Me All Night Long by AC/DC (Maybe it's because I'm a fast machine and I keep my motor clean....)
5. Gimme, Gimme, Gimme by ABBA (Story of my life...)
6. Make Me Loose My Breath by Destiney's Child
7. I Want You to Want Me by Cheap Trick
8. Just What I Needed by The Cars
9. Rip Her To Shreds by Blondie
10. Blister In the Sun by the Violent Femmes

I'm sure there's more but I can't think of any...
But if I was a rich girl I'd have all these songs on my phat MP3 player.