SUNMAID is a total bi-atch

Today I bought some chocolate covered raisins to help me through my October candy cravings. I usually don't like them but today I had a hankering for some. So I pick up a box that looked like one you'd get at the theater and took it home. What looked like a normal amount of candy according to the outside box packaging turned out to be a teeny-tiny plastic bag inside full of what was barely a handful of those crappy chocoloate covered raisins! The Sun Maid looks so nice and sweet on the outside of the box but she's really a liar!! She's smiling because she knows she ripped me off.

Trouble Brewing

I recently went to this dodgy restaurant in my area (I lost a bet) and I was really surprised to see that they had Fear Factor on the television. It just seems to me that this is not the best programing to be playing in any restaurant especially one that is kind of dirty and gross to begin with. Oh well. I made it through without any major gaging but I did have to avert my eyes for the majority of the meal. From both the television and my diner. Yuck!

Gross

Against my better judgement I decided to go rent some scary movies tonight to get in the Halloween mood. While looking at the video store this guy next to me totally belches-super loud! So I'm totally disgusted but I'm willing to overlook it. Maybe this guys has a problem. So I start to walk away (to get away from any potential smell that might work towards my breathing area-it was that bad) and he does it again. Just as gross. Just as loud. Now, I'm no Ms. Manners myself but I usually try to supress those habits while I'm in public. Is it just me? Am a prude? Is belching in public now okay? I'm so grossed out I can barely wolf down my chocolate covered raisins.

Das ist gut

I don't remember anything from my German language courses so I hope that's correct.

Anyway. So I had an interesting day today. I live about 3 hours away from my parents so when my mom had the day off we decided to meet in a town between both of our homes. So we decided to meet in a small little Michigan town called Frankenmuth. It's really interesting because they've turned the town into this crazy *replica* of Bavaria so there's all these little tourist traps around (including this huge ass store that is devoted entirely to Christmas). The restaurnat we ate at has a 50 foot Glokenspiel and the people dress in 18th century Germanic costume. The McDonalds in town even boasts a *Play Platz*. Yeah.

Well, on my way up North I came to the realization that Michigan is a crazy slice of Americana-that, no matter how much I'm nostaligic for my native state, sometimes makes me shake my head. First of all, driving about 15 minutes North of Detroit I found that I was suddenly without any kind of good radio stations. I usually drive with my finger constantly on the seek button anyways but I was unable to find anything suitable. Top of the dial=weird Christian radio, next available station=country, next=country again, next=bad classic rock, then the Christian station again. I swear, if I hear the Scorpians or Slayer again I'm going to barf.

Next were the crazy things I saw. Like numerous HUGE standing bear *statues*. Am I missing out a new art movement? No, I don't think so. And I understand the ones that were in front of stores but not the one that was on someones porch! Then was the creepy hand made signs advertising for a children's haunted house. They looked like they were painted by some guy with hooks for arms. That's how haunted houses begin, kiddies. Then the car repair shop that was called *Skidmore*. Is it just me, or is that not the best name for a shop that would ever deal with breaks? Hmmm...maybe they were trying to use reverse psychology. Lastly was the sight that almost made me weep. A homemade garage sale sign with the word GUNS sloppily painted under it. Something tells me they weren't doing background checks.
So I shut my eyes for the rest of the trip up and enjoyed the day with my mom. Needless to say I took the express way the entire way back home.

A List

I like making lists. And in honor of Halloween as well as the various discussion about creepy things on other's Blogs (HotBabe, Stacey, Kiddo, and Dan) I've decided to make a list of things that creep me out-especially this time of year.
In no particualr order:

1. The score from The Omen
2. The Walgreens commericial that is currently playing
3. groups of children laughing or singing in the distance
4. people who stare
5. clowns
6. carnivals (as in state-fair carnival, not Mardi Gras carvinal)
7. the deserted/haunted park that I somtimes jog past in the morning
8. Any kind of religious anomoly (ala The Exorcist, etc.)
9. Finding spiderwebs within the stem of grapes or bananas
10. Any Splenda commercial
11. Those new animation created people (like from the upcoming stink bomb, The Polar Express)
12. mirrors (I always think I'm going to see something in them that I can't see when I turn around)
13. shadows
14. those weird *ghosts* that show up in photographs after the deveopment process
15. The deathplace of StoneWall Jackson
16. Vampires (but not Zombies, because I think I could fight off/out run/out wit a Zombie)
17. Haunted Houses (Ameteyville Horror is the scariest movie ever!)
18. Aliens
19. Stephan King
20. squirrels

There's probebly more but this post is getting too long. (Shit! That Spenda commercial is on right now!)

Bad Hair Month

I absolutly HATE getting my hair cut. I had a really traumatic experience as a child (in which I recieved the worst haircut ever in the history of bad haircuts...even my mom thought it was bad and my sister couldn't stop laughing at me-I cried for weeks) and from then on I steered clear of any major hair cutting-just trims.
Well, about a month ago I decided I'd give it another try and decided to get a haircut. My hair had grown out quite long and I decided to get about 6 inches cut off and minimal styling-I wanted it to look similar to Jennifer Gardner/Liv Tyler. So fairly simple-I have similar type of hair so it wasn't unattainable. Well, disaster stuck yet again. The idiot cutting my hair was chatting the entire time (1st sign of impending doom) and actually she wasn't even just chatting she was trying to use her cellphone to win concert tickets over the radio, she cut it while it was sopping wet so instead of 6 inches it turned into about 9 (2nd sign), then instead of the simple style I wanted she gave me full face framing layers (3rd). So instead of trendy Jen or Liv I ended up looking like Gillian Anderson circa 1994. I was pissed! And yes, I cried, again.
Well it's been about a month since that fatefull day and much to my chagrin I have now found the 4th sign that I should hunt down this woman and strip her of her license. It's totally uneven!!! So now I feel like Two-Face from Batman. It's fine if I keep my head tilted to the side or if I'm seen only in profile but other than that it look ridiculus. I'm so pissed! I'm never getting my hair cut again! I don't care if I end up in the Guinness Book of World Records-NEVER AGAIN!
If anyone has any suggestions of how to fix this and/or file complaints against hair cutteries I would be greatly appreciative.

Yatzee!

I have come to the realization this weekend that I kick ass at Yatzee. Not to toot my own horn but...I'm awesome. I'm starting to consider myself the Bobbie Fisher of Yatzee except without the real talent because Yatzee really isn't about talent as it's more about lucky dice rolling but...well, I think you get what I'm saying.
I should find some Yatzee tournaments to complete in. I could win millions...or...well, probebly more like tens.
But I suck at Scrabble, surprisingly enough. I lost three times this weekend and got in a big arguement because I didn't think *Beefy* was a word. My opponent was able to find it in the Dictionary but I don't really trust dictionaries anymore because it seems like the Webster people easily succomb to presures regarding what is a word. Like *ain't* is now in the dictionary. I guess it's a word now even though my entire childhood was filled with shoving that factoid down my throat.

I'm a Wimp

HotBabe inspired this post.

Just in time for Halloween scary movies are comming out on the big screen, video, and television. I used to *love* horror flics and as a kid I could watch any of them in total darkness in my parents creepy basement.
However, I have become a huge wimp when it comes to scary movies! I have even resorted to changing the channel when the preview for The Grudge comes on because I know, even if I accidently watch it at 8 am, I won't be able to fall asleep at night. It's horrible because I still have the morbid interest in the horror flics but I know I'll have to sleep with the light on if I watch them. I had to watch The Ring but I made sure I watched it during the day and was scrapbooking while watching it so I wasn't really paying attention and I then I was okay...but I still see flashes of the scariest moments. And now horror movies are using a new weird special effect that has had the greatest effect on me-that thing where the scary ghosts/spirits/monsters move really mechanically and jerky as if they're part machine. That scares the hell out of me.
I'm getting creeped out just writing this.

Pottery Barn is the Devil

I received the big ass holiday issue of the Pottery Barn catalogue today which always makes me depressed and full of avarice. Tiss the season, I suppose. I want a big house that I can fill with things like a Stinson Occasional Table and a Cameron Settee. Oh! Oh! And the PB Signature Bar!

My Pottery Barn catalogues alwasy end up in the same condition-drenched in a combination of drool and tears. I always have to try to explain it away to guests..."those aren't water stains, it's Diet Mr. Pibb..."

Curse you Pottery Barn and your fine merchandise!

Halloween Decorations are the Devil

A traumatic thing happened to me today on my Friday jog/walk around my neighborhood. I had finally dragged my rump outside, began to blare No Doubt into my head, and started my usual route when the first heart attack hit. I'm running down the sidewalk, admiring everyone's Halloween decorations when something hits me in the head. It was kind of soft and squishee so I immediately think a squirrel has run into me (my biggest fear while running because the crazy squirrels always look like they're going to freak out and decide to run right at you and up your leg only stopping at your head where they commence chewing off your face). So I have a huge freak out of flailing arms and whimpering trying to get the thing off me when I finally calm down enough to find that I've just run into someone's stupid Halloween decorations. They had hung huge foam bats from the trees (that I think are technically part of city property as they are on the left side of the sidewald) for stupid people like me, who are blinded with fatigue, to run into.

The second heart attack happened about 25 mintues later, though incidently, had nothing to do with Halloween decorations. I was on my way back when I jogged past a fence which, unbeknownest to me, caged a huge rabid dog that totally started barking and jumping as soon as I was right next to it. Another freak out. This time no flailing arms, instead I staggered and actually grabbed my heart as if I was an 85 year old at a Marilyn Manson concert.

I gotta find a new place to run. Hmmm...my apartment sounds safe...maybe on my sofa...with no running actually involved...and with a pumpkin malt in my hand.

Move over Betty Crocker

I made cookies tonight-something I haven't done in quite some time. I made No-Bake Cookies, which if you are familiar with these you know that no matter what you do they always come out looking like large clumps of dog crap.

I was half hoping this would deter me from eating them. However, it has not...go figure.

I want to believe

I've heard rumors that a second X-files movie might be in the works.
As I've mentioned in a previous post, I'm a big dork, thus I absolutly love The X-files and miss new weekly episodes immensely. Chris Carter, if you're reading this, please make this happen. David Duchovny, if you're reading this, just come on over and let yourself in with that key I sent you...

Luckily I've found a local station that plays old episodes on the weekends at midnight so I've been getting my fix. Weather you're a fan or not this X-files drinking game makes the wait a little more bearable.

I'm a big dork

I went to lunch with a friend today and while waiting for her to arrive I popped into the nearest shop to waste some time. Well, it happened to be a Hallmark and...I bought Christmas Cards...
I don't even have my Halloween Candy purchased but I'm already stocked up on holiday grettings.

Let the ridicule commence.

They should rename it Van Helstink

.

So, apperently Van Helsing is now available on DVD. I'm ashamed to say that I actually went to the theatre to see this and was greatly disappointed. I couldn't help it. I love vampire movies...usually. I was sad to see that they had taken a fairly intriguing character from the original (Bram Stroker's Dracula) and turned it into Hollywood crap with the addition of a stupid hat, a girl in tight pants, and the worst dialogue ever. Underworld was better than this high profile bomb...which is weird since Kate Beckinsale was in both.

Runnin' on Empty

Okay...so the initial title for this post was *running blows* but I decided to try a witty reference to that song from Forest Gump.

I don't know how this happened but my sister talked me into training for a marathon. We have this grand scheme that we're going to run in a rock-n-roll marathon taking place in June in California. The problem is that after about three weeks of half-assed training I've found that running blows. She's already run a full marathon and a couple of halfs and is a total glutton for punishment so I'd don't think she's going to let me off the hook. Any suggesstions on how to make it easier to stick with it? I'd really like to go through with it but I'll be darned if running just doesn't totally blow!

I love to complain

You'll find a lot of complaining on this blog as I love to complain.

I have this, let us say *friend*, that e-mails me messages that are typed in all caps. While I am happy to get messages the all capitol letters drives me nuts. Is what they're saying really that exciting? Are they trying to yell at me? Why do they continue to do this? I don't think it's an accident as it is everytime! IS IT MORE FUN TO TYPE THIS WAY? No, and I just annoyed myself.

One of these is not like the other

My dinner tonight consists of a Taco Bell Chicken Quesidilla, a Taco Bell Caramel Apple Epanada and....Perrier. To make the fast food feel better I'm drinking it straight from the bottle. I'm really not pretentious, I'm just on soda detox but I still need my bubbly.

Bienvenue to Chez Lynn

So, I don't do much but for some reason I figured people would be interested enough in me to start a Blog. Especially since I've had so much fun reading other people's pages such as PlanetDan, NoOnesHome, and Stacey'sPlace.

I'm not a psychopath and I don't know any psychopaths but if I did I suspect they would spend quite a few nights the way I did on Tuesday in which I gorged myself on pickles and the last remnents of a box of S'more RitzBitz sanwhiches while watching a strange French movie entitled 8 women. While I doubt that this behavoir is truely pathological it can't be healthy...can it?

Hail to the Cheif

"Man of Leisure, King George" by Kayti Didriksen

Painting of Nude Bush Removed From Museum

"The City Museum of Washington, operated by the Historical Society of Washington, D.C., is primarily a place where local and regional history is on display. The museum's executive board decided the museum was "not an appropriate venue" for the exhibit.
Art-O-Matic 2004, a confederation of local artists which organized the project, now is looking for another space to house the exhibit, said Jim Tretick, a member of the group's board of directors."

Read more about it:

Sort of gross but totally hilarious. I think I have a new favorite artist.